Most the time im strong. But at this time im losing my mind. Everyone is paying for my feelings, i feel like im losing my relationships with my kids. I just have so much going on inside of me, and all the circumstances i have to deal with. I dont know where to start. Its just such a mixture of so much...... 
Where do i begin to vent, to clear the air and find my path that will make me productive and a better mom? I pray so hard! I search within myself and yet, i just want to disappear, run away, hide. I know that this will pass, and im dealing with keeping the lights on and food on the talbe, the rent is just going to have to wait til i get my student loans. Then the worries of furture rent. ect..... I want to stay a student, i cant get a job making more than 8 an hour. Never have i had sick days or insurance.
I did something on the 28th that i think gave me closure. My mom died 5 yr ago. Right after my son was born. My Dad died died when i was 12, and loseing my Mom has been so hard. I could not bare to spread her ashes. She wanted to be spread in the Texas river. Well the 28th was her Birthday. SOOOOOoooooo i went bt myself,a nd took my journal, and found a really beutiful place. It was so Emotional. Opening the box, i had cherished for 5 yrs. Cried over, and stared at many days. I hope there is some closier. Im not sure, but i know i followed through on what my moms last request. I love her so much, and wish she was here. I feel like a little girl, trapped in grown body. I just want my Mommy!!!!! I often wonder how life would be with family. Im mad my children dont have uncles, aunts, grandma's, and grandpa's 
